Why It’s Worth It | Is it just us, or has life become incredibly serious and tremendously busy? Our lists are long, our calendars full, and we never feel quite caught up. When was the last time we had fun (the serendipitous, off-the-clock, adventurous kind)?  Too busy for that? Think again. It turns out that finding joy (starting now) is critical to our happiness.

In the final episode of his podcast series “How to Build a Life”, Arthur Brooks hosts Lori Gottlieb, a fellow columnist at The Atlantic, to talk about the three pillars of happiness: joy, satisfaction, and purpose. While most of their conversation revolves around the first pillar of joy, they also delve into why some of us struggle to find satisfaction and conclude with a few listener vignettes that hint at why purpose is the third element of the happiness recipe.

At the episode’s outset, Arthur homes in on what he calls the “macronutrients of happiness” – joy, satisfaction, and purpose. The upshot is straightforward: those of us with all three in balanced abundance are happier.

So, if the challenge we face is how to cultivate joy, satisfaction, and purpose in our lives, what does this mean for how we should approach each day? Arthur believes the first step is to love ourselves. He advises that we start by identifying experiences and connections that bring us joy. Science shows if we can let joy in, we free ourselves to be lighter, more loving, and more productive (leaving room to focus on satisfaction and purpose!). Instead of wasting time, prioritizing having fun and joy can bring real, game-changing benefits to our lives.   

Background | In this episode, Arthur speaks with Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist, NYT bestselling author, TED Speaker, co-host of the popular Dear Therapists podcast, and Dear Therapist columnist for The Atlantic. Lori blends her clinical experience with the latest research and cultural developments to help people live better lives. A few key points from their conversation include: 

• Happiness is not an emotion – Arthur always kicks off the first day of his Harvard class on happiness by debunking the popular assumption that happiness is an actual emotion. He explains that while happiness can be associated with a range of emotions, it is actually created when enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose (aka the “macronutrients of happiness”) are present and working harmoniously. In short, we often waste time chasing an illusive feeling of “happiness” when we should instead be identifying when we feel joyful, satisfied, or purposeful.
• Fun is not frivolous – Our high-pressure culture tends to look down on having fun, but it is essential to our well-being. We tend to put “joy” and “fun” in the “optional” category on our to-do list., but that is a mistake. Prioritizing and calendaring it is essential.
• Figure out what’s fun – Many of us tend to neglect having fun as we grow older. Instead of engaging in activities that bring us joy, we often mindlessly scroll through the internet, feeling more tired than before. If you’re having difficulty identifying what fun means to you, Lori has a few tips to help you out: (1) Keep a journal of your activities for the next 24-48 hours and assess which ones bring you joy. (2) Take a moment to reflect on the last time you had fun. What did that look like, and how can you schedule more? (3) Follow your envy. Paradoxically, if you envy someone or something, it’s a good clue of what might bring you joy.
• The empty satisfaction race – We almost always get a burst of satisfaction when we attain a goal. But frustratingly, this feeling is often fleeting as we endlessly chase the next goal. Learning to counter this urge for “more” is critical to long-term satisfaction and happiness.
• Satisficers vs. maximizers – Barry Schwartz’s research, as detailed in his book The Paradox of Choice, shows that people who are content and fulfilled in life typically seek to satisfy their needs rather than constantly pursuing more. These people, whom Schwartz calls “satisficers,” are happy with what they have and do not need to strive continually for more. In contrast, those who are never satisfied with what they have, aptly labeled “maximizers,” often struggle to find true contentment. The key to lasting happiness is not necessarily having everything you want but wanting what you already have.
• Feelings are the compass to meaning – To understand what brings meaning to our lives, we need to feel a range of emotions – sadness and joy, anger and kindness, fear and bravery. Our feelings serve as essential maps to our souls. If we ignore emotions like pain or anger, we risk missing out on opportunities to try something new. Our feelings tell us what needs to change.
• Hiding isn’t a solution – We often think we must be stoic, tough, and sometimes push on no matter what. However, it’s important to take a moment and listen to our inner emotional compass, which can guide us towards what truly matters. If we avoid experiencing the ups and downs of life, we won’t be able to find meaning and purpose. In the words of Arthur: “The afternoon of your life requires that the morning have had a certain number of challenges. And so, you find that the happiest people have been fully alive throughout their lives, and they’ve grieved, and they’ve recovered.”

Source | How to Build a Happy Life Podcast Series: “How to Identify What You Enjoy” – Season 1, Episode 8 (The Atlantic – November 23. 2021)

About | Arthur Brooks is a well-known professor of leadership and happiness at Harvard University. He is a social scientist and a #1 bestselling author. In his column for The Atlantic, he combines scientific research and philosophical insights to offer simple everyday guidance on how to pursue a more meaningful, connected, and potentially happier life. Arthur believes if we cultivate joy, satisfaction, and purpose (in balance), we can find happiness.