Why It’s Worth It | What’s your life purpose? Quick question: when was the last time someone asked you that and you didn’t immediately feel anxious? Here’s what’s fascinating: we’ve been thinking about purpose all wrong. We assume it needs to be something massive, like curing cancer or founding a billion-dollar company. But what if purpose could be found in something as simple as collecting baseball cards and sharing that joy with neighborhood kids? Laurie Santos sits down with hospice physician Jordan Grumet to explore why 91% of us feel purpose anxiety and how we can fix it by thinking smaller, not bigger.

Jordan’s story starts with trauma. His father, a prominent oncologist, died suddenly from a brain aneurysm when Jordan was seven. In his child’s mind, he convinced himself he could “cosmically fix” this loss by becoming a doctor too. This drove him through medical school despite a learning disability, but eventually led to crushing burnout. He’d wake up with Sunday scaries, dreading work despite achieving what seemed like his life’s purpose. The breakthrough came when he discovered financial independence and realized he didn’t need to keep doing work that wasn’t fulfilling him. But that created a new crisis: if he wasn’t a doctor, who was he?

The conversation shifts when Jordan explains his distinction between Big P and little p purpose. Big P purpose is goal-oriented, all-or-nothing: become president, make billions, get six-pack abs. It’s what we see on social media and think we need. But little p purpose? That’s process-oriented, focused on activities that light us up regardless of the outcome. Jordan learned this from his hospice patients who, facing death, talked endlessly about regrets: things they never had the energy, courage, or time to do. He realized these regrets could become “purpose anchors” for the living, inklings of what might bring joy if we actually pursued them.

Then Jordan shares the story of Roman, who changed his life without meaning to. Roman ran an antique shop when someone left behind a box of baseball cards. A snarky teenager showed him three cards worth $100, and something lit up in Roman’s brain. Maybe it reminded him of cards in bike spokes or trips to Wrigley Field with his dad. He started selling baseball cards, hired that teenager, and created a community. Young Jordan, grieving his father and struggling with a learning disability, found mentorship and belonging in that shop. Roman died decades ago, but those kids he mentored became doctors, lawyers, and parents who passed on confidence to their own children. Jordan contrasts this with Mickey Mantle: if Roman had tried to become a major league player, he’d have failed. Instead, by following his little p purpose, he still changed the world for some people.

Laurie pushes deeper into what this means practically. Jordan explains that purpose isn’t some mystical “why” we need to discover; it’s simply “actions we take in the present and future that light us up.” Studies show that having purpose increases health, longevity, and happiness. But here’s the problem: we chase purpose mirages, convincing ourselves we’ll be happy once we reach some arbitrary goal. Jordan sees this in podcasting colleagues who love recording but force themselves onto TikTok, chasing download numbers, turning joy into misery. The solution? Look at your calendar and continuously add things you love while subtracting things you loathe. Time passes no matter what; the only question is how we fill it.

Background | In this episode, Laurie Santos hosts Jordan Grumet, author of The Purpose Code and host of the “Earn & Invest” podcast. Key takeaways include:

• Purpose is action, not philosophy: Forget finding your “why.” Purpose is simply actions in the present and future that light us up. It’s doing, not thinking about doing.
• Little p beats big P: Process-oriented purpose (enjoying baseball cards) creates lasting fulfillment. Goal-oriented purpose (becoming Mickey Mantle) leads to burnout or disappointment.
• Regrets reveal purpose anchors: What would we regret not doing if life ended next month? Those regrets point to inklings of purpose we can build on today.
• Childhood holds clues: Look at what decorated our childhood room. Kids pursue joy without worrying about goals; those early passions often reveal authentic purpose anchors.
• The spaghetti method works: Can’t find purpose? Say yes to things we normally wouldn’t, try new experiences, then evaluate: did that light me up? Throw things at the wall and see what sticks.
• Subtract before adding: List 20 aspects of your job. Cross out everything you dislike. What remains? Focus on expanding those elements while minimizing the rest.
• Purpose creates community: When we do what genuinely excites us, we naturally connect with others who share that passion, building relationships that amplify our joy and impact.

About | Laurie Santos is a Yale professor, researcher, and happiness expert who studies how psychology can guide us to make better choices and live happier, more fulfilling lives. Her course on happiness, the most popular course at Yale in over 300 years, is offered in an online version, The Science of Well-Being, on Coursera. Laurie also hosts The Happiness Lab, a podcast that focuses on changing how we think about happiness. Laurie’s core belief is simple: What our minds tell us will make us happy is often a lie.

Source | The Happiness Lab: How to Find Your Purpose – Season 10, Episode 10 (March 3, 2025)