Why It’s Worth It | Why are we so often completely hijacked by our emotions? Most of us stumble through life at the mercy of our feelings, with little to no training on how to manage them. Think about it:  we spend years learning math, science, and history, but somehow, we miss the crucial skill of emotional regulation (which impacts virtually every aspect of our daily lives!). It’s like being handed the keys to a Ferrari without ever learning how to drive.

In this 10% Happier podcast episode, Dan Harris sits down with Ethan Kross, award-winning professor and director of the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory at the University of Michigan, to explore the science of emotion regulation. Ethan unpacks how our emotions aren’t just passive experiences that happen to us. Instead, they’re adaptive responses we can learn to work with and shift in beneficial ways.

Contrary to popular belief, negative emotions aren’t villains we must banish. According to Ethan, emotions like anger, anxiety, and sadness serve essential evolutionary functions. The problem isn’t that we experience these emotions; we often experience them in the wrong proportions or for too long. “When you are experiencing negative emotions in the right proportions,” he explains, “that is your body and mind doing what it evolved to do.”

And get this: our inability to regulate emotions isn’t just making us feel bad; it’s actively sabotaging our lives in ways we might not even realize. When our emotions run the show, our attention gets hijacked, our thinking becomes clouded, our relationships suffer, and even our physical health takes a hit. From trouble sleeping to inflammation and cardiovascular issues, chronic emotional dysregulation is making us sick. As Ethan puts it, “Thinking and performance, relationships, health, that’s the big three, right? And our negative emotions have implications for all of those territories.”

Plus, this struggle with our emotions isn’t some modern affliction born from smartphone addiction or social media. It’s an ancient human challenge that spans cultures and millennia. From drilling holes in people’s heads 10,000 years ago to the Nobel Prize-winning frontal lobotomy in the 1940s, humans have been desperately seeking solutions to emotional suffering since the dawn of civilization. The good news? We’ve come a long way from those extreme measures, and science has discovered that we all possess an innate capacity to become emotional “jujitsu experts” if we’re willing to learn the moves.

What is key? We can’t control which emotions are automatically triggered as we move through life, but we can influence their trajectory once they appear. Learning to master this skill, what Ethan calls “shifting”—can dramatically improve our health, performance, and relationships. And the best part? We all have access to six powerful categories of “shifters” that can help us reroute our emotional experiences in the moment.

Background | Dan hosts Ethan Kross, national bestselling author of SHIFT and CHATTER, award-­winning professor in the University of Michigan’s top-­ranked Department of Psychology and its Ross School of Business, and director of the Emotion and Self-­Control Laboratory. Conversation highlights include: 

Emotions are functional tools: Negative emotions aren’t unwelcome visitors to be avoided; they’re responses evolved to help us navigate specific situations. Anger alerts us when our expectations have been violated, while sadness helps us process loss and change. Understanding their purpose helps us work with rather than against our emotional experiences.

• The “good vibes only” mindset is harmful: Contrary to popular wellness culture, trying to maximize positivity at all costs is neither realistic nor desirable. Some anxiety before important events focuses our attention and preparation, and even physical pain serves the vital function of protecting us from harm. Accepting the full spectrum of emotions is liberating.
• Sensory shifters provide quick relief: Our senses offer immediate pathways to reroute emotions. While most of us recognize music’s emotional impact (though surprisingly, fewer than 30% use it strategically when upset!), other sensory interventions like pleasant scents, affectionate touch, and engaging with nature can powerfully alter our emotional states without requiring much cognitive effort.
• Perspective shifters create emotional distance: Mental time travel (such as asking, “How will I feel about this tomorrow? Next week? Next year?”) reminds us of the impermanent nature of our emotions. Similarly, revisiting past challenges we’ve overcome or those faced by others helps broaden our perspective during difficult moments. Even thinking in a second language can reduce emotional intensity.
• Strategic attention deployment helps: Despite conventional wisdom that we should always confront difficult emotions, research shows that temporarily diverting attention can sometimes be beneficial. The key is flexibility—knowing when approach versus avoidance serves your goals rather than rigidly sticking to either strategy. Timing matters as much as technique.
• Our surroundings shape our feelings: Spaces impact our emotions in profound ways. Creating “emotional oases”—places that provide comfort and security—and deliberately designing our environments (removing visual triggers, adding meaningful photos, incorporating plants) helps regulate our emotions in the background without requiring constant effort.
• Relationships are powerful shifters: Who we turn to during emotional struggles matters enormously. Effective emotional support involves both empathetic listening and perspective-broadening. Without the second component, venting can lead to “co-rumination” that intensifies rather than resolves negative feelings. Building a diverse “board of emotional advisors” provides different types of support.
• Culture influences our emotional world: From our families to our workplaces, the cultural contexts we inhabit shape our emotional experiences through the beliefs, values, norms, and practices they emphasize. While changing long-standing culture might be challenging, we can influence smaller groups and choose which cultural environments we participate in.

Source | 10% Happier: The Science of Emotion Regulation: How it Impacts Health, Performance, and Relationships – Episode 902 (February 5, 2025)

About | Dan Harris is a former national news reporter who turned to meditation to manage the stressors of a high-pressure on-air career. A self-dubbed “fidgety skeptic,” he brings a practical perspective to a seemingly abstract practice. Dan hosts the 10% Happier (TPH) podcast, which delivers conversations with meditation teachers, researchers, and even the odd celebrity. He is also a former co-founder of the Happier meditation app. Dan’s over-arching philosophy is simple yet profound: he believes happiness is a skill that can be learned.