Why It’s Worth It | Why do we keep pushing harder at the exact things that aren’t working? How much of our energy goes toward the right things, and how much quietly drains away into habits, avoidances, and strengths that have quietly turned against us? And what would it look like to finally get that energy back on track?

In the season 11 premiere of The Happiness Lab, host Laurie Santos sits down with clinical psychologist Dr. Diana Hill to unpack the concept of wise effort: the idea that where we direct our energy matters at least as much as how much of it we spend. Drawing from her new book Wise Effort, Diana walks through seven practical strategies for recognizing misaligned effort, building psychological flexibility, and redirecting our best qualities toward what actually matters.

Diana opens with an image that is uncomfortable in how recognizable it is: a bird that has flown indoors and keeps slamming into the same bright window, harder and harder, until it is exhausted or hurt. Laurie and Diana explore how many of us do exactly this with relationships, careers, and habits we’ve long since outgrown. The alternative isn’t to stop flying. It’s to look around, notice the open door, and be willing to try a completely different direction.

The conversation moves through seven strategies for doing just that. The first is curiosity, which Diana frames as the antidote to the two stances that keep us most stuck: already knowing and being judgmental. Curiosity is hard to sustain alongside judgment, and the more open we stay, the more rewarding our environment becomes. Journaling, she suggests, can help, but only the kind that creates perspective rather than rehearsing complaints.

Values come next, and Diana makes a distinction worth holding onto: values aren’t about enjoying what we’re doing, they’re about why it matters. When we know what we’re working toward and why it connects to who we want to be, we’re more likely to stay with it through the parts that aren’t enjoyable.

Laurie and Diana then surface three strategies that address how we relate to difficulty itself. The first is variation: when stuck, try anything (and she means anything!). Diana’s brother-in-law, who designs robots for war zones, built a “get unstuck button” that triggers the machine to try everything in its repertoire (rather than just reverse and forward). We can do the same. The second is radical acceptance, which Diana is careful to distinguish from approval. Accepting what is, even while disliking it, is what actually allows change. The third is working with our “rooster minds” (the constant mental crowing that we can’t quiet but don’t have to follow). We get to choose which thoughts deserve our attention.

The final two strategies bring the body into the picture. Diana introduces the HEART check-in: Hunger, Emotions, Activity, Rest, and Tension, five signals our bodies send continuously that most of us have learned to override. And she closes with the concept of energy frenemies: our greatest strengths, when left unchecked, can quietly become the thing that pulls us farthest off course. Regret, she suggests, is one of the most useful signals we have. It’s just an arrow pointing toward a small correction we haven’t made yet.

Background | In this episode, Laurie speaks with Diana Hill, a clinical psychologist, ACT therapist, and author of Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most. Key takeaways include: 

• Wise vs. unwise effort: More energy aimed at the wrong thing doesn’t get us unstuck; it exhausts us. The bird that keeps hitting the window isn’t lazy; it’s just misdirected. Recognizing the pattern is the first step to finding the open door.
• Curiosity over judgment: Curiosity and judgment can’t coexist. When we approach our own stuckness with genuine openness, we start to see possibilities that were invisible from inside the story we’d already decided on.
• Values as the river banks: Our energy flows wherever we aim it. Values act as the banks of the river, directing that flow toward what genuinely matters. When we feel drained, misalignment is usually involved.
• The get unstuck button: Variation is a principle of behavioral evolution. When stuck, expand the repertoire (try what you’ve been avoiding, go sideways, turnover, go back maybe while pivoting on one leg, etc.). Notice what shifts, reinforce what works, and stay open to the fact that what worked before may not work now.
• The HEART check-in: Hunger, Emotions, Activity, Rest, Tension. Our bodies carry information our minds often bypass. A whole body yes! feels open and like we are leaning in. A whole body no:( contracts. Both are worth consulting before deciding on whether to proceed.
• Energy frenemies: Our strengths become frenemies when they run unchecked. The super helper who never helps themselves, the persistent person who can’t let go. Regret is often the signal that a strength has quietly taken over. It points to the correction, not the failure.

About | Laurie Santos is a Yale professor, researcher, and happiness expert who studies how psychology can guide us to make better choices and live happier, more fulfilling lives. Her course on happiness, the most popular course at Yale in over 300 years, is offered in an online version, The Science of Well-being, on Coursera. Laurie also hosts The Happiness Lab, a podcast that focuses on changing how we think about happiness. Laurie’s core belief is simple: What our minds tell us will make us happy is often a lie.

Source | The Happiness Lab: Stop Wasting Your Energy — Here’s What to Do Instead (with Dr. Diana Hill) – Season 11, Episode 1 (January 5, 2026)