Why It’s Worth It | Why do we always think more options mean we are killing it and getting ahead in the game? Ironically, we don’t tend to capitalize on these choices; instead, we waste time “scrolling” through them, afraid to pick and commit. Contrary to this cultural emphasis on “more,” research shows that more choices, in reality, make us more anxious and reactive.

In this episode of The Happiness Lab, Dr. Laurie Santos delves into You Only Live Once (“YOLO”) – the often-touted reason to jump from opportunity to opportunity, consequences be damned. Laurie challenges this view and talks to several well-known experts who study the interplay of infinite options, commitment, and decision-making. 

Laurie’s guests discuss YOLO and FOMO (aka the Fear of Missing Out), two fast-paced cultural trends. They discuss how to break free from these trends and how committing to new skills, plans, people, places, jobs, and communities can open up life-changing possibilities. 

Laurie’s conversation with the legendary Grateful Dead drummer, Mickey Hart, adds a historical and insightful perspective to this proposition. Interestingly, Mickey may well be the first person to coin the term YOLO, using it to signify a once-in-a-lifetime commitment he made, rather than our current interpretation of hedonistic freedom.

The key takeaway: what we all thought would make us happy, that more and more options bring more and more freedom, instead often results in a shallow and disappointing existence. YOLO and FOMO, as practiced, create false psychological markers, luring us into thinking we will be happy, when we will not.

Background | Laurie has a conversation with Pete Davis, an author and civic advocate famous for his graduation speech at Harvard Law School titled “A Counterculture of Commitment.” The speech has been watched tens of millions of times and expanded into a book titled Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in An Age of Infinite Browsing. Laurie also talks with Dan Gilbert, a social psychologist and Harvard professor, about the science of psychological immunity that can strengthen our decisions to commit.

 Key topics include:

• Infinite browsing leaves us anxious, uncommitted, and unsatisfied – According to guest Pete Davis, we often think that having many choices will make us happy, but research shows that this is not true. In fact, our minds can sometimes lead us away from things that can actually bring us happiness, even if it doesn’t make logical sense. 
• The actual origin of YOLO – YOLO is commonly known as an indulgent, throw caution to the wind and jump-from-thing-to-thing mentality, but that’s not how Mickey Hart first used it decades ago. Mickey instead coined YOLO to mean to go all in with all your heart and courage, commit, and don’t look back. 
• Commit to your happiness – When we delve deeper into a particular subject, we gain knowledge and connect to a broader world beyond ourselves. This immersion helps us move away from superficial browsing and towards new pathways, ultimately leading to greater happiness in the long run.
• Ignore FOMO – FOMO may seem like a valid psychological warning, but scientific research proves otherwise. Our brains may perceive it as a genuine fear, but this is not an accurate signal. 
• Fall back on our innate ability to rationalize – Dan Gilbert explains that we can rely on a natural defense against FOMO. When we make a decision, our brain creates a form of psychological immunity that helps us rationalize our choice. This immunity can assist us in feeling confident that we made the right decision and prevent us from regretting our choice later.
• Finally, in the words of Laurie Santos: “When on the metaphysical menu screen of life, harness your inner Mickey Hart and yell ‘YOLO, I’m ready for all the opportunities that lie on the other side of this door of dedication.'”

Source | The Happiness Lab podcast: “You Only Live Once So Commit” – Season 5, Episode 7 (October 17, 2022)

About | Laurie Santos is a Yale professor, researcher, and happiness expert who studies how psychology can guide us to make better choices and live happier, more fulfilling lives. Her course on happiness, the most popular course at Yale in over 300 years, is offered in an online version, The Science of Well-Being, on Coursera. Laurie also hosts The Happiness Lab, a podcast that focuses on changing how we think about happiness. Laurie’s core belief is simple: What our minds tell us will make us happy is often a lie.